A Eulogy

"These days, these days.
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my ways
And I wonder if I'll see another highway." -Nico

These lyrics come from the song "These Days" by Nico and I came across them in the movie "The Royal Tenenbaums." Tonight, the only thing I can reference is that movie.
Today, I learned that my step-aunt, Marsha, passed away. She had been struggling in a battle with Crohn's disease, and I'm fairly sure complications relating to that are what caused her death. I'd like to think that her death was untimely, but the unfortunate truth was that we lost touch years ago, so her death could have happened years from now and it would have made just about the same impact it does now.
I think the best way that I can characterize Aunt Marsha was that she was a female version of Royal Tenenbaum. She was bright, but was never really able to hold a job for too long. She loved her family, but seemed to mistreat them in a way that only she could sympathize with. She didn't bring our family together based on a fake disease, like the movie version of Royal did, yet she had incredible talent and vibrance, like the movie version of Royal did.
It's hard to describe what I'll miss the most about my aunt. The last significant time I remember seeing her was many years ago. What is significant is that the battles between our families have left two dead. We're not a huge family. And two is a large number. What I will miss about my aunt is that there is now no chance for the two sides to make peace with Marsha being a player in the negotiations. I will miss her presence. Though, I will miss that side of the family getting together for holidays and occasions more than just the physical existence of Aunt Marsha.

Whether some will admit it or not, you will be missed, Aunt Marsha.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

"This morning, there's a calm I can't explain.
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain."
-John Mayer

        Who would have thought it was true? Thanksgiving, as my Jewish Studies professor David Biale explained, is a Jewish holiday! In Hebrew, Chag haHodaya is a holiday of thanks, and Chag haHodu is a holiday of Turkey. The similarity of these words is so striking, that it is obvious that thanksgiving is a holiday derived from the Jews. With a joking lecture aside, it is curious to note that the kids in the Religious school I song-lead for also thought tried to convince me that Thanksgiving was a Jewish holiday. Their rational was that Thanksgiving was just the goyisha version of Sukkot, one of the Jewish harvest festivals. Regardless, the argument that the secular Thanksgiving derives from a Jewish holiday has just about as much validity as if one were to argue that Christmas was created so that store owners could increase business. In any case, this year, I have much to be thankful for.
        First, my family. This year, my cousin Laurie had her second child, Samantha. Since last thanksgiving, Becky has met and fallen for Eric, and I have a hunch that they'll be together for a long time. I'm really happy for her. My parents FINALLY completed the remodel, and my mom just had a very happy, accomplishing birthday. I know it means a lot to her that she was able to get to this point and it is something I give thanks for. My dad is always continuing his pursuit of the business which allows him to retire, and I think he's found it. I'm thankful that he found it, but I will be much happier when he finally does. He deserves it. He defines "workaholic," and I see where I get my work ethic from.
        Second, my friends. My friends are a special breed of people. They inspire, discover, learn, grow, and they cause me to do the same. I am so happy to say that I have remained close with many friends, despite the distance of college. There are two which I feel are necessary to specifically mention because of their contribution to my life: Stacy and Ally. I do not mean to say that these two are the only ones who have contributed to me and kept me sane in the last year, but they are the two that I could not say the same about last year. Joanna, Sally, Ben, Sarah, and Molly have made such an impact on me, I am forever grateful, yet this year I add Stacy and Ally to the list of who keep me true to myself and others.
        Stacy and I met in June of 2003 at Mechina, but we didn't really get to know each other that well. We also didn't really keep in touch. This past summer changed that. Stacy and I were able to maintain a great support system for each other that rivaled friends of many years. I don't know what I would have done without her listening and helpfulness since we reconnected. She's also someone who I'm incredibly proud of. She has overcome some very trying times incredibly well and has matured so much in a short amount of time. I'd like to think that I had as much impact on her as she has on me, but regardless, I am thankful that we are as close as we are and I hope our relationship stays exactly the same.
        Ally. It takes a lot for me to get butterflies in my stomach. Yet Ally is the kind of person that I get so excited to speak to, that it happens almost every time I even think of her. I also don't know what this summer would have been like without her. There are a few people who read me really well. Ally's one of them. Ally does more than read my emotions, though, she knows how to deal with them and how to handle a situation. This summer, for example, she could tell when how on the last night of camp, I was incredibly frustrated with a situation. She read this and took me outside for a few minutes. We just went outside and breathed. She could tell that I needed to not be in that room and acted on that instinct. There are moments like that which bring such joy and comfort to my life. I am so thankful that she is a part of my life and I only wish that we could live closer together.
        I have a lot to be thankful for when I look back on the last year. I couldn't have imagined I would be where I am now: on NFTY board, a brother of AEPi, incredible friends with a mutual feeling of love, on a bus going from UC Davis to the airport to fly home for Thanksgiving. I only dreamed of this moment. To quote Edwin McCain, "I could not ask for more."
        Yet something bothers me about Thanksgiving. I understand how one can be thankful, I can understand how one can be appreciative, but how does one give thanks? It is going up to someone and saying "thank you"? Is that giving thanks? Or maybe it derives from a sacrificial ritual from the early Temple days which would prove that Thanksgiving is REALLY a Jewish holiday. Maybe. It's something to ponder, and maybe there is no right answer. All I know is that life is good.

On a Cloud

Things are really looking up!

Last night, I recorded the bass line for "A Ballad" and I got really excited, so I posted some of the lyrics on LJ. Today, someone quoted them. Awesome. It's such an amazing feeling to know that you're words have a positive impact on someone else.

Today: I'm writing a paper. Which brings me back to earth from my cloud, but also keeps me elevated. I really enjoy writing, so it shouldn't be too bad.
This afternoon, I'm going to get two shots so I can get my academic holds taken off and I can take more than 13.5 units next quarter. Then, it'll be back to writing the paper for sociology.
Tonight should be good. I think we're getting initiated into the Chi Delta Chapter of the Alpha Epsilon Pi Fraternity. Putting up with everything has DEFINITELY made it a worth while experience. I'm so anxious for it to be official.
That's the update from the farm. Back to describing the socially constructed identity.

Deep breath, and I'm off. Havn't done that in a while.

Why didn't this happen in High School?

I got my first Jewish Cultures paper back: A-
I just got my first Sociology paper back: 99 out of 100

How did this happen?!? I just hope I can keep it up.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay I-WEEK

People Watching

I really enjoy people watching. Not that I'm a stalker, but sometimes it's incredibly rewarding to just observe other people. Right now, for instance, I'm on a bus heading to the airport. A mother and her two daughters just got on at a mall. The curious thing about them is that they appear to be the stereotypical southern family: stringy hair, always trying to make themselves more beautiful, but generally content with themselves. They're very friendly, though, as is the bus driver. I can tell the driver does this shift regularly by the way that she knows more than half of the passengers that come on and off by name. Back to the family, it makes me wonder where, at 8:00 AM, they came from and where they are going. It does not seem like they are going to school, as they don't have backpacks. Do schools get this Friday off too? I guess it's only a real-world situation where people only take Thursday off for Veterans day.
Another girl just came on. She looks like she's in middle school, talks like she's from Texas, but has the maturity of an adult. (Just as I was typing this, she mentioned a Texas area code, which makes me think that she is actually from there, as opposed to the other family who appear to just be Woodland-ites) She obviously has become accustomed to West Coast society, where the social scene permits anyone to speak as if they were from the ghetto without needing to be in a minority. For example, when talking to the bus driver about cell phone plans, she mentioned that the plan her parents wanted to set up "fuckin' ain't worth shit." It always amazes me what people do and how they change when they attain different levels of independence. I don't really know why it is, but I think the amount of independence one receives -- rather, the amount of dependence on oneself that is required -- as a child is one of the most influential factors on that person.
We just went to the other side of the 113 and the fog here is very thick. I hope it won't impair the airport.
Earlier, we were leaving the mall and I noticed a very funny sign. It was on the other side of the street, said "one way", and pointed to the left. But it was a two way street. There was a divide between the sides of the street, but not a major one. So we turned right anyway. It was a pointless sign. At the next stoplight, there was a sign that showed how each of the two lanes could turn one way or the other, yet right next to that sign was another: "one way." I was amused. I wanted to take a picture, but alas, no such brevity came.
I'm pretty excited to be going home, but I'm glad it's only for the weekend. I really enjoy Davis, but I am very glad to get to see my family before this next week. I'm really glad to see that my has passed and is living past her mother's age. Despite everything, she really is a good woman.
I just had the oddest experience sitting in the airport. I was sitting, looking out at the planes, and an elderly couple sat down next to me. There were other open seats, but for some reason, they chose those seats. I had the strangest urge: I wanted to ask them about their history. I was curious to hear how they met, what their lives were like before they met, and how their lives have changed since they've been together. It was weird. I wanted to know about them for no real rhyme or reason. Not sure what to make of it, but I didn't ask them.
Now I'm home. Should be fun!

Some thoughts I've had and been too busy to compile and post:

I voted. Go team. Too bad we couldn't pull Ohio...and those 20 some-odd other southern states...

There was a demonstration on campus with a wall being pulled by a mini-van representing the wall/fence/etc in Israel. It was sponsored by SJP(Students for Justice in Palestine), and they were promoting a speaker that was coming in. He, obviously, must have been knowledgeable in peace negotiations as -- no, not a member of the PLO, K'nesset, some other organization involved with peace negotiations -- a hydrologist. His talk was about the "devastating environmental impact of Israeli aggression on the people and the land of Palestine." Oh please. Gotta save the land, but fuck our children. Let them blow themselves up. This will be a fun four years! I can't wait to start showing up to Cross Cultural center meetings and the like and throwing this kinda shit at them. Just to see them squirm. I really should stop typing before it gets me in trouble. And it has just become a private post. BTW, I'm all for civilized talks with the anti-Zionists, so long as they are.

I got groceries: TP, Jello pudding, ritz crackers, albertsons brand pop-tarts, and gatorade. Yum.

Quote of the day(a few days ago)
"If you want to find a Rabbi, you’re going to go to a synagogue. You’re not gonna go to the [coffee shop], you’re going to go to a synagogue."-Prof. Biale of Jewish Studies

i think that's it for now...awesome weekend at kesher convention! oh debauchery.